You’re Not the Boss of Me!! Oh, wait… you ARE… Crap!!

When I interviewed for my position with The Company, I was interviewed by a guy named Mark, who was to be my manager.  He was a complete tool.  My interview process was over 2 hours long and after about 15 minutes, I realized that this guy didn’t have a clue what he was doing.  He asked me about 10 different questions… over and over again, in varying ways.  Most of my responses began, “As I mentioned earlier…” because they were literally the same questions rephrased over and over.  It was the most painful interview of my life.  Then, I heard nothing for several weeks.  Oh well.  Well, about 4 days before the position was expected to start, I got a call offering me the job.  I jumped on it (as underpaid as it was) because my contract was ending and I needed work.

By the time I started, Mark was no longer employed by The Company.  I never really got the full explaination behind that – but it appears that my initial assessment of his tool-ness, was dead on.  So, now I would be reporting directly to the director, “B”.  She was a nice enough lady, so it seemed.  She was red-headed, very overweight, and funny as hell.  I really got along well with her, at first.  I found out prior to my coming there, she had actually been about 130 lbs heavier than she already was, but had the lap band surgery and had a great success with it.  [Before you think I am bashing… I have also had this surgery]

Unfortuantely, we found out pretty quickly that she wasn’t always to be trusted.  You would be having a great day… a great conversation with her… and then BOOM… it would wind up biting you in the ass.  It really shook my trust in people, especially in management.  I had several off-line conversations used against me as excuses for work not being accomplished.  No, it wasn’t because my husband is bipolar… it is because you asked me to design 11 brand new classes in one week.  That is retarded.

I would like, now, to give you some of the B-isms that we grew so accustomed to.  Enjoy.

What had happened was…  I have so many problems with this line opening EVERY sentence.  Seriously?  Just tell me what happened.  I don’t need to know that it “had happened.”  She also failed to pronounce the T in what and the D in had, so it sounded like a line Mush Mouth from Fat Albert would have used frequently [wha’ ha’ happen was…].

I was give out.   In English, this means “I was exhausted.”  This sentence was uttered at least once a day while conveying her exhaustion from the night before. 

Baby, I don’t eat.  This one usually happened while she was eating a slice of cake [diabetic] or something else she shouldn’t have that she would have to quickly “dispose of” because her lap band couldn’t handle it.  I am sorry, but as a large person, you just don’t say these things with a straight face.  I know from first-hand experience how hard it can be to eat after having that surgery… but come on!

Oh there were a slew of other things that I have blocked from my brain.  When I talk to my partners in crime… I will update with more.

A few months after I started working there, I brought in a friend of mine to do some temp work for us.  Within a few months… she became our boss.  Yeah… it does suck that much.  Oh well… she was a great girl and ended up being a much better boss to work under than B.  At least she had a clue…

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2 Responses to “You’re Not the Boss of Me!! Oh, wait… you ARE… Crap!!”

  1. I read this the other day, but must not have commented.

    I find it to be hilarious. I find the phrases popping randomly into my head. Especially “Whahahappened was” and “Baby, I don’t eat.” Good for a wonderfully random laugh in the middle of the day.

    So, thank you for that, my funny fantastically friend.

  2. Oh my…this is a fine example of someone who would want to make me vomit in the middle of a work day.

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