Taking Back the Playground: Part 1

I have recently completed a new article with Dr. Susanne Gaddis (The Communications Doctor) about Workplace Bullying.  The article has been sent out for publishing, but I thought I would also share it here!  Enjoy!

TAKING BACK THE PLAYGROUND (PART 1): COMING TO TERMS WITH THE BULLY IN YOU

Alright, here’s what nobody wants to admit- there’s a little bully in all of us.  And while you might not be called Darth Vader behind your back (yet), we all, to some degree, whether we realize it or not, have participated in bully-esque behaviors.

Being able to recognize these behaviors at an early stage can help you fortify all of your relationships and, as an added bonus, it may keep you employed.  It’s also likely to prevent you from earning that only-used-behind-your-back nickname you’ll never live down. 

To help identify the bully in you, here is a list of common bullying behaviors.  We invite you to take an honest look at yourself.  If you find that you have any of these red-flag behaviors, you should realize that these behaviors will never earn you the “Ms/ Mr. Congeniality” sash.

 1. Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Passive-Aggressive individuals have perfected the act of sabotage.  This bully behaves stealthy in a way that says I’m okay, you’re not okay, but I’m not going to tell you that to your face. Instead, they do things behind your back that let you know you’re not okay.   They say one thing and do another, producing a chaotic environment.  They don’t hold themselves to the same set of standards they require of you. 

Passive-Aggressive behavior can range from always being late to meetings, making and then breaking promises, saying, “I was just joking,” after sending out a barbed missile-like message intended to stop others dead in their tracks. This is the type of bully who avoids taking any leadership position, letting others take the lead instead, only to sit back and criticize them on all of their decisions.  Passive–Aggressive types can also act ridiculously literal.  For example, if you ask these bullies to go and pick up a paper, they go pick it up and then stand there looking at you for their next command. Yet another favorite tactic is to ignore you when you ask a question, causing you to feel discomfort when you ask it again.  In the hallway, they say hello to everyone else but you.  After all, why should they waste their breath?

Another form of Passive-Aggressive behavior is making threats.  These can be direct threats such as, “I can’t wait to see what HR thinks about this,” or “You won’t be around here to worry about it,” or indirect threats such as, “We’ll just have to see what happens.” Either way the point of a threat is to cause you discomfort, make you question yourself and establish themselves in the one-up position.

 

2. Blame Game

This bully makes mistakes and, you guessed it – it’s never their fault! Individuals who have perfected this behavior shirk responsibility for any wrongdoing and find a way to direct the blame onto others.  Forget about them sharing what they can do, what they are willing to do and what they have done.   Rather, they are quick to share what isn’t their job, what they can’t do, and what they haven’t done, which is, of course, no fault of their own.   The blame bully makes you believe it is actually your fault for something that did not go their way, like you are personally responsible for their shortcomings.

3. Aggressive Behavior

This in-your-face bully operates from a place of intimidation.  Their motto is “I’m okay, you’re not okay and it’s your fault!” They enjoy heated arguments filled with put-downs, talking at a volume that can be heard in the next county over and making open-ended threats such as “you’ll see what happens when HR gets wind of this.”   Instead of being constructive, their comments are destructive and combative.   They in no way make it safe for you to have a conversation with them.  They cut you off mid-sentence to put their ten cents in, and if they do let you finish, they find ways to use what you have said against you.  

 

4.  The One-Upper

Never wanting you to think you are better, stronger or smarter, this dominatrix never lets you get the advantage. True to competitor form, everything is a life-or-death competition. If you’ve done it, then they have done it bigger and better.  No matter how awful your story is, theirs is worse.  If you’re stressed out, they’re about to blow a gasket.  They know more, they knew it earlier than you and they remind you about this often.   This bully seeks to maintain or boost their self-esteem and self-confidence by deflating yours.  

 5. Mr. Know-It-All

Next of kin to the One-Upper is Mr. Know- It-All.  This guy knows EVERYTHING about anything.  When asked even the simplest of questions Mr. Know-It-All delivers a Shakespearian soliloquy that makes you want to cover your ears say repeatedly, “I can’t hear, I can’t hear you!”  This wastes hours (or what seems like hours) of your precious time.  Like a jack hammer they pound away with irrelevant details you don’t want to hear and that you certainly won’t remember.  Mr. Know-it-All also relishes in letting you know when you are wrong.  They take great pride in letting you (and everyone else in a 10-mile radius) know that you are, in fact, w-r-o-n-g and therefore beneath Mr. Know-It-All.

 6.  Gossiper

By gossiping just 10 minutes a day, this bully loses forty-two hours of productivity a year.   But why stop there, as most gossipers deliver much more gossip than this.  This bully creates verbal viruses that spread like the flu. They infect everyone around them by sharing needless tidbits designed to make them look like they are “in the know.”   This type of bully is notorious for baiting people by using questions such as, “So what have you heard about the new hire,” and “So what do you think of what the boss said in the meeting this afternoon.”  Like a fisherman they stand with their line in the water waiting for you to bite, only to use your own words to filet you later.  

 7.  “Negator” – The Stupor-hero of Negativity

Faster than a speeding bullet!  More spirit-sucking than a red-eyed ravenous vampire. Able to spoil positive conversations in a single bound.  This stupor-hero of negativity’s slogan is, “I’ve come to ruin the day!!”  Negator’s list of negative phrases includes:

• “It’s not going to work.”
• “Where’d you dig that one up?”
• “You’re wrong.”
• “That’s stupid.”
• “Duh”
• “Whatever!”

Forget maintaining the recommended 3-to-1 ratio of positive-to-negative communication now recommended by experts.  Forget boosting anyone’s self-confidence or self-esteem.  Forget any good feelings that you had before they entered the room.  Negator’s sole mission is to create downward emotional spiral for everyone involved.   The drain on energy after even a short visit is palatable.  Seeing this bully’s car in the parking lot is quite enough to break even the strongest resolve.

 8.  …Ist – Behavior 

Racist… Sexist… Elitist… Whatever you call it, this person chooses to demean others in an attempt to elevate him/herself.  Quite often, this bully’s attitude has little to do with his/her true thoughts or beliefs.  This person just knows that the best way to hurt someone, thereby gaining power and control, is to hit them where it hurts.  Focusing on personal characteristics, such as race, sex, age, religion, national origin, or disability, is not only abusive, but is actually illegal.  The Civil Rights Act of 1964 allows for protection under the law in the workplace for these protected categories.  Abusing people in this way is not only bad for your reputation and career but it also costs you time, money and jeopardizes your freedom.

 9.  Micromanager

Whether it is a bullying technique or simply bad management, the Micromanager tends to question the skills and abilities of those reporting to them.  This person tends to make those around them uncomfortable with their constant hovering and lack of trust.  This person takes credit for the work of others, since they will often swoop in and take over a project in the 11th hour – claiming the glory for a job well done… blaming their staff for a poor job.  Most people working for a Micromanager will eventually decide that they need to go somewhere else where their talents are recognized, or they will revert to slacker-employees, only doing the bare minimum to get by.

10.  Electronic Bullying

Too cowardly to confront you face-to-face, this bully hides behind a screen name, sending out flames… or Molotov cocktails, if they see fit.  This bully doesn’t just burn a bridge… after all why stop there?  Instead, they communicate in a way that torches the whole town.  Rarely do they send out an e-mail without copying or blind-copying it to several others.  Their other favorite tactic?  Hitting ‘Reply to All’.  Oh yeah… they go there. As if damaging the reputation of a co-worker isn’t enough, this bully leaves their victims in isolation causing mental anxiety. They are confused as how to respond and waste their time unnecessarily trying to figure out the “right” way to respond to the one hiding behind the screen.

If you saw even a little of yourself in these characters, you aren’t alone.  Don’t be discouraged because the good news is: behavior is different from personality.  Unlike personality, behaviors can be changed at any time, simply by adopting a new behavior! 

Over pay and over benefits, the number one reason why most people leave their jobs is because of their immediate supervisor. How many good people are you driving out of the workforce? 

Once you can accept that you are participating in bullying behaviors, the end result is up to you.   You can continue on this path, or you can make a change.  What will you choose?

 

Bullying Cost-Benefit Analysis: Let’s be honest: There is an upside to being a bully.  If there wasn’t, no one would do it!!  ~Being a bully means that you often get your way.  ~It’s a power trip.  Watch as the peasants flee before you!  ~People tend to agree with you more (even if your idea SUCKS!)  ~You probably have more time (because no one want to talk with you!)  ~Everybody knows your name (and your evil nickname, too).  ~If intimidation is your goal- Um…good job!   On the flip side, the costs of being a bully are plentiful: ~Nobody wants to talk with you.  This lack of feedback causes you to have massive blind spots. ~You have a shortened career life-span.  When there is downsizing, guess whose head will be first on the chopping block? ~You’ll be overlooked for certain jobs due to your lack of people skills. ~People will undermine you and go out of their way to go around you to get things done.  Informed?  Not quite.  ~In meetings you can expect a great deal of eye-rolling behavior whenever you present your ideas/demands (let’s face it they are demands!)  ~Bullying makes it nearly impossible to get a good recommendation. ~You tend to bring out the worst in people (beware of the angry mob with the pitchforks.)

BULLYING QUIZ

Do you find people shooting eye-daggers at you or refuse to make eye contact all together? 

Do others withhold their opinions or are they reluctant to share facts with you?  

Did the productivity in your department drop dramatically when you came onboard?

 

We found all these characters, and more, working with The Company.  Do you recognize these characters from your own company??

Send Me Some Love!

Hey there Loyal Readers and Newbies alike!!

I promise that I have not forgotten this blog.  Far from it, in fact.  I am working on a few things and am really looking forward to the future!  Don’t worry… I am still the same snarky former Company employee… there are plenty of good times to come.

I appreciate everyone still hitting my site, even though my posting has been lagging.  I get hits mostly from people still wanting a definition to “Inculcate” or Running with the Bulls [shrugs]. I will do a full review of awesome (and bizarre) search engine terms shortly.

In the meantime, I would love for all you lurkers (and very vocal commenters) to come out from hiding and let me know which Hell Blog story has been your favorite!  Enquiring minds want to know! 

Even adorable puppies are begging for your comments!

 PS – This is not my puppy.  But I wish he was.  He does/did belong to my friend Erica though.

Semantics

As I was riding home today, I heard some commentary on the radio that made me want to jump out of my skin, and I just have to comment.  I carpool with a guy who listens to a conservative radio station on the drive home, and it is usually talking either religion or politics.

First of all, I will say this… I am NOT political.  AT ALL.  I come from a very conservative, right-wing, gun-toting, fun-loving American family.  I could care less.  I am pretty liberal and open minded, but I don’t side with either party and will usually stick my fingers in my ears and hum loudly when the subject arises.  I refuse to talk about it.  In fact, I was telling my roommate tonight that I was going to start my OWN political party called “Zero Politico” and we will run on a platform of good judgment and apathy.  She told me she would gladly join the Zero Politico group, but she was far too apathetic to actually START the group.  This is probably why we choose ice cream on the couch to political rallies… but whatever.

Ok, so anyway… back to my unusual rant.  I have been listening to all the buzz about the new Supreme Court Justice nominee.  I am not going to even say her name, because I don’t want to give her any more buzz.  Reading just a few things, I am appalled at this woman’s views… and normally I am ALL for women in office.  But I digress…

So… back to the radio program.  They were talking about this discussion regarding her statements regarding it being impossible to discriminate against white people [fingers down chalkboard feeling].  In my professional life, I am a corporate trainer, so I am often called upon to provide training relating to harassment and discrimination.  I will be the FIRST to tell you that you can ABSOLUTELY discriminate against white people… it happens to me on a daily basis.  But what REALLY bothered me was the tool on the radio going on and on about “reverse discrimination.”

Dear Moron…

There is NO SUCH THING AS REVERSE DISCRIMINATION!!!!  IT IS STILL JUST DISCRIMINATION!!!

Love, E.Liz

Hear me now, people… when you use qualifications such as personal characteristics (race, sex, age, disability, religion, and national origin – BTW the classes protected under the EEOC) rather than someone’s actual job qualifications, skills, and talents… it is WRONG.  It causes hostility and a lack of productivity.  I really have a problem with someone in a position like Supreme Court Justice ruling on these types of cases when she clearly does NOT understand that the law protects everyone equally.

[Stepping off stolen soap box]

So… now that I have gotten that off my chest…

If anyone wants to join Zero Politico, please leave me a comment.  If you are going to argue with my political views (or lack thereof)… suck it.  hehe

Workplace Bullies

Ok, so we have all seen them, right?  Every office has that a-hole that causes a mass exodus from the break room… people ducking into random cubicles… pretending to be on the phone… you get the drift.  It’s the office bully.  I used to work for a woman lovingly referred to as Darth Vader… behind her back, of course!  You know… the one so mean and horrible around that one look from them has you gasping for breath and praying for death.  Maybe I am being melodramatic, but my guess is that SOMEONE out there knows what I am talking about…

If you don’t – It’s probably you.  Starting noticing the dust trails people are laying when they walk away from you.

I am currently working on another article for publication about these people and need some stories, other than my own horrible experiences with a myriad of office bullies.  So please, please, please with a cherry on top – Leave me some horrifying stories via comments.  The best story just might win a prize!!  [Eyebrow waggle]

Chime in people – this is your opportunity to tell the world about your own personal Darth Vader experience!  You don’t have to give names… unless you want to

Batting 2,000

Yay!!!  The HellBlog broke 2,000 hits today!!  This is a great milestone since it’s conception back in August 2008.

Thanks to my loyal readers and the random masses who find themselves here on the quest for better grammar and the need to use inculcate in a sentence.

I have been somewhat on hiatus from writings about The Company as I focused on some personal issues, but plan to get back to it really soon.

Thanks again for reading!

Oooook…. Inculcate? Really?

What is the number one search engine term bringing people to the HellBlog?  It USED to be The Peeing Mantis.

Now?

“Use inculcate in a sentence” [enter]

Really?  Seriously??  I have had over 40 searchers hit my blog since I posted this post back in October.  I am appalled saddened curious about this.  I mean are there really that many people who are searching for this term?  I had never even heard of it before some wise guy at The Company pulled a thesaurus out of his ass and decided to show everyone one the worst possible word to put into a motivational strategic plan since “downsizing”.

I just had to comment on this since it comes up several times a week.

One other that made me laugh:  “Use apparently in a sentence”.  Ok.  Apparently, you are a moron.  How’s that?

 

Post Script- Recently, one of my named characters has attempted to add me as a friend on Facebook.  I have not accepted yet, as I do not wish to hurt her feelings, were she to stumble upon this blog, which I am pimping pretty heavily via Facebook right now… not to mention I would like to avoid anyone at The Company learning about this until the book is in the jacket, so to speak.  So… thoughts – Do I change her name in the blog… OR do I pretend I never saw the friend request?  Comments appreciated, as always!!

Dear Co-worker:

There are several things I do not want to see when I enter the bathroom at work.  One, you well know, is your pee on the seat.  Gross.  Another would be people changing their clothes like it is a gym locker room.  Really, yoga lady… I don’t need to see your panties at work.

But… this one… is a new one.  When I walked into stall #1 this morning, I came across this little bit of TMI:

 

Now, I completely understand that you are having some discomfort, and I do not begrudge you the temporary relief that this ointment must provide.  But seriously, lady… TAKE THE CREAM WITH YOU WHEN YOU LEAVE!!!

I like my co-workers (well, most of them), but this is entirely too much information.

The less I know about your ass… the better.

Blog Love

I was super excited to see that I recently got a new blog award from my new friend, Amy!  I met her recently through a mutual friend and enjoyed talking to her right away!!  She has been very sweet and encouraging of all of my blogs .  Thanks, Amy!

Da rules:

1. You have to pass it on to 5 other fabulous blogs in a post.

2. You have to list 5 of your fabulous addictions in the post.

3. You must copy and paste the rules and the instructions below in the post.

Instructions: On your post of receiving this award, make sure you include the person that gave you the award and link it back to them. When you post your five winners, make sure you link them as well. To add the award to your post, simply right-click, save image, then “add image” it in your post as a picture so your winners can save it as well. To add it to your sidebar, add the “picture” widget. Also, don’t forget to let your winners know they won an award from you by emailing them or leaving a comment on their blog.

So I would like to pass the award on to several people.

Blogs:

The Hebert Family:  Melanie and I have been friends since Jr. High, and I just love being able to keep up with the goings on of her family.  She is also a big supporter of my particular brand of snark, so that makes me really happy!  And sorry for never being able to figure out how to make the accent mark in your names.  It’s pronounced “A-Bear”, not He-Burt. 

Lori Brown Blog: Even though I know you will never get around to accepting this award… I couldn’t give out a “Your blog is FABULOUS” award without including you!  Love you, girl!!

The Bloggess: Jenny just gets funnier and funnier!  Keep ‘em coming, girl!!  You also have the funniest commenters I have ever seen.  I wish they were on my blog.  No, seriously… send them to my blog [using Jedi mind trick].  hehe

Can’t Hardly Wait:  I have recently started reading this blog and find Georgette’s writing style to be right up my alley.  We are also in similar situations, so it is sometimes good to read these things through the eyes of others.

The Daily Blonde:  I follow Cheryl through Twitter, and also through her blogs.  She is hysterical!!

Honorable Mentions: Maggie Dammit, Little Miss Obsessive, Zrtist (Due to there only being 5 and trying to diplomatically spread the love around)

 

Now for the fabulous addictions:

1. Blogging- Duh!  I currently run four blogs of my own (This one, This One, one for my niece, and “the other one” – if you want to see that one, let me know.  I try not to spread it around .  I am also helping Zrtist with his site until he has time to get it up and going.  What can I say?  I have the gift for gab!
2. The Girls Next Door – Yeah, I admitted it.  Sue me.
3. Scrapbooking & Photography
4. Dr. Pepper
5. Office Supplies – Yes… I am a fool for a new address book, notepad, and some great new pens.  I think there is a 12-step program.

So, now it is YOUR turn to spread the love!  Send this on to your 5 favorite bloggers!  Also, remember this – If we didn’t want people to read (read = COMMENT) on our blogs, we wouldn’t bother blogging!!  Send a shout out via comment so we know you are reading!

Excitation and Other Ramblings

I was excited to log-in this afternoon and see that I have finally broken 1,000 hits on this blog!!  It has been almost four months since I got the bug to blog, and I am thrilled to death that you keep on coming back for more!  Thank you!

So in other rambling news -   I caught the Peeing Mantis in the bathroom last week.  I hate her guts.  I can’t look at her without mentally strangling her and then shuddering at the thought of actually having physical contact with her and her gross ways.  [vomit]

Yesterday it SNOWED in Houston!!  Oh, I was thrilled.  This morning, I heard that there were more the 500 accidents in the area in less than 24-hours due to weather.  It really just proves that people are dumb.  If you get in your car and utter the phrase, “Whatever!  I can make it…”  Chances are… you are an idiot.  And you probably did not make it.  And are now on the side of the road looking like a tool while the news team quizzes you on your idiocy.

Another thought – when looking at my search engine terms today that have brought people to my blog… I ran across this one:

Women peeing web sites

Whoever you are… you are one sick bastard. [shudder]  This is NOT that kind of site.  I do talk about said Peeing Mantis… but seriously… GROSS!

Hmmm… I think that is all for now.  I will be back to blogging about The Company very soon.  In the meantime – check out my friend’s new blog!  He is quite talented!! 

Should I Stay or Do I Go Now

Recently, I found out that an article I co-authored is being published, so far, in five state nursing magazines!  I am thrilled!!  I thought I would share the article here.  This is my first publication, and I am just tickled!!

Should I Stay Or Do I Go Now:  Eight Ways To Increase Loyalty And Retention

By: Susanne Gaddis, PhD, CSP, Elizabeth Cates, M.A.

 

With the current nursing shortage, nurses have a lot more choices of where they’re going to work and how long they’re going to stay. As baby boomers retire and younger generations of nurses enter the workforce, gone are the days where a nurse would start a career and then four decades later retire from the same position. With the rising demand for nurses in the coming years, it is crucial to create a welcoming and appreciative atmosphere.

 

Today, healthcare workers are on the move, and to encourage them to stay in one place, hospitals and nurse management are challenged to think of new and innovative ideas for creating loyalty and retention.  In addition, each healthcare worker also has the responsibility of creating a healthy atmosphere in which to work, one where their co-workers will want to stay for the long haul.

 

As you are seeking to increase loyalty and retention, here are some things to keep both you and your colleagues motivated:

 

Listen. One of the quickest ways to increase loyalty and retention is to listen to your colleagues. People who feel heard are more likely to stay than those who believe their thoughts, ideas and feelings don’t matter.  Listening also works to build self-esteem, self-confidence and self-efficacy, a person’s belief that he/she can achieve certain tasks.

 

The last thing someone wants to hear when they bring an idea forward is:  “Oh, what do you know? You are new here.  You haven’t had the experience that I’ve had. You haven’t walked in my shoes.  I am in charge here!”  While these statements may be true, they serve to create walls, not bridges.  Words like these can have a long-term, damaging effect on even the most seasoned professional, making them want to run for the door.  

Acknowledge Ideas.  Although every idea and suggestion cannot be acted upon nor all requests granted, acknowledging a person’s input can go a long way toward making him or her feel like an integral part of the team.  Not only can you acknowledge the idea, you can also acknowledge the thought behind the idea, their unique perspective or skill set in formulating the request.  All of these will help to create a sense of belonging. 

Take for example, Sally, a new CNA, who during a routine vitals check discovered a patient had been receiving blood pressure medication for several days, even though the patient had no prior history of high blood pressure.  After talking with the patient, Sally determined that the blood pressure cuff being used was too small, which caused the patient’s vital signs to be drastically altered.  Immediately she took this information to management and adjustments were made that quite possibly saved the patient’s life. Administration took notice of Sally’s quick problem-solving and analytical skills and rewarded her publicly for being a diligent patient advocate. More importantly, her co-workers gave her both respect and praise for her ability to take command in an emergency situation.

Be A Motivator.  Find out what motivates your colleagues.  This will be different for each person.  Some are motivated by praise, while others are motivated by power and prestige.  Still others are energized through more intrinsic factors, such as a sense of pride, meaning and value.  The days of cookie cutter, one-size-fits-all motivation is over.  To actively engage your co-workers, you need to find out what works for each person. Don’t treat your co-workers the way YOU want to be treated, treat them the way THEY want to be treated.  How do you find out what motivates them?  Ask them!

 

Be Aware Of Information Overload. Be careful that YOU are not the cause of your colleague’s demise by over-sharing. Sometimes you can cause undue stress by getting too in depth about challenging meetings, hospital politics, and your latest interactions with difficult people.  This doesn’t mean you can’t share ANY of your personal life with your co-workers, but try to keep the negative to a minimum. After all, most people have enough on their plate without keeping up with your stresses.

 

A good rule of thumb is to try and keep conversations as positive and productive as possible.  The latest research suggests that for every negative comment we make, we should say at least three positive statements.  By keeping conversations focused on what you can do, what you are willing to do, and what you have done, you can decrease a colleagues’ stress level.

 

Model The Behavior You Want.  Be aware, from the time you arrive for your shift to the time you leave, you are visible to others.   Your goal is to be as “positively visible” as possible.  Become a model for the behavior you want to see in others.  Remember that your colleagues often take their behavioral cues from you.  If you greet them with a welcoming, “Good Morning,” they are likely to do the same. If you maintain a professional atmosphere, you’ll notice that they will follow suit. Yet if you call them out on their behavior without adjusting your own bad habits, they will see you as hypocritical and insincere.

 

Focus On Strengths Rather Than Weaknesses.  There has been a trend for years to harp on weaknesses rather than develop strengths.  If you look at most performance appraisal forms, you will first find an area for improvement.  While continuous improvement is important, we now know that there are individuals who will excel at certain tasks.  By working cooperatively with others, you can utilize the strengths of each individual. 

For additional information, check out Now Discover Your Strengthsby Marcus Buckingham and Donald Clifton, Ph.D. or take the Strengths Finder profile at: www.strengthsfinder.com.

Remove Obstacles.   Another great way to increase loyalty and retention is to work diligently to remove roadblocks so people can be as productive as possible.  By immediately addressing issues involving personal safety, sexual harassment, workplace violence and discrimination, you will help create an environment where your colleagues feel comfortable coming to work. 

 

Supportive Care. While you can’t completely change your environment, you can promote a sense of support and care among your fellow nurses to help them cope with the variety of difficult situations they face. By paying attention to your words and how you communicate, both verbally and nonverbally, you can create a healthy culture of communications.

 

By applying these simple strategies you can dramatically increase your odds of receiving the answer, “I’ll stay,” when others are deciding, “Should I stay or should I go now?